(Originally Published April 1,2016 for our April Fools Day edition) DC & Phoenix Arizona |Two babies in the nation’s capitol are causing quite a flap.
The first feathered family welcomed its newest members at the U.S. National Arboretum in Washington, D.C. recently, with Mr. President and the First Lady sharing the birth of their eagle babies in true American style: with a live webcam. To access the live nest cam, click here https://dceaglecam.eagles.org/.
The First Lady laid the eggs back in February and as the nation watched, they hatched on March 18th and March 20th. The eaglets are thriving and growing stronger each day. To the chagrin of cagey government historians, My Local News obtained exclusive access to the first family portrait via Kitchen Sink Studios, pictured above. The chicks, lovingly named DC2 and DC3, will go by the nicknames of Malia and Sasha.
Word has it the fledglings are already hatching plans for their first big cross-country flight. Like hippie chicks flock to Burning Man, the first chicks have their sights set on Phoenix, believing it to be a spiritual mecca of sorts. Word among bird culture is that the mythological Phoenix actually exists, and the chicks think it would be sick to meet him. This caused feathers to fly as Mr. President screeched something about the chicks not even being mature enough to leave the nest. Members of the media reported difficulty getting quotes on the issue as Mr. President simply pecked at the microphone and even bit one of the reporters, causing a serious case of ruffled feathers. Just as birds of a feather flock together, the First Lady decreed that any cross country trips will be made as a family. Top sources, who wish to remain enormous, report that Arizona Governor Doug Ducey has agreed to take the eagles on a tour of the Grand Canyon, and may arrange for a hush-hush meeting with the enigmatic Phoenix, to which the chicks replied, “Yo, that is so fly!” Mr. President wasn’t so sure, but sources say he is open to touring some of the more bitchin’ cities around Arizona, including Tempe, Scottsdale and Peoria. Bisbee is also on the short list, but Mr. President is worried about the “free range” attitude of the town, equating it to the fox guarding the henhouse. He says he has no intention of parading his precious chicks through any “vulture culture” communities of ill repute.
The nation continues to watch via live webcam as the eaglets grow, noting how darn cute they are. Some ground-level spectators reportedly taunted the chicks, shouting, “Free Bird!” causing more feathers to fly. In response, Mr. President ordered extra precautions to keep the birds from being besieged by an adoring public, hoping to witness one the babies’ series of firsts. One spectator overheard the chicks’ first utterance as “a sweet song, a melody pure and true,” which catered to mass appeal, saying, “don’t worry about a thing. ’Cause every little thing gonna be alright!” While some dismiss it as ludicrous, the American Eagle Foundation says in a wild eagle’s nest, “anything can happen.”
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